The depth of loneliness is man-made: we perceive things to be much deeper than they really are.
Loneliness is detachment. Why do we feel the urge for companionship when we know we are self-sufficient?
The feeling of self-sufficiency stems from the suppression of wants. We as humans are born to want. We can never give up wanting because the suppression of wants is a want in itself. Then why not acknowledge we have wants rather than suppress them?
There is a difference between acknowledgement and suppression.
Acknowledgement is when we know something exists and we accept it in its present state. We also accept that it may change in the future. We are okay to face the good or the bad associated with it because we have realized it is a part and parcel of the whole thing. Just like a rose comes with a thorn, we know beauty is balanced with sharpness. They may have different colours and purpose but they co-exist and we accept that.
However, suppression is different. Suppression is about deliberately choosing to ignore something. He who fasts, feels hungry, but he chooses to ignore the cry of the body. He restricts the body from something natural—food. Similarly, by suppressing wants, we choose to ignore what we want. We sacrifice. We lose. We starve the mind from satisfaction. We refuse to nourish it. This is dark.

The idea of self-sufficiency through suppression is incorrect, unhelpful, and counter-productive. However, if self-sufficiency is linked to sharing, to charity; it has a positive ring to it. Let’s say we are satisfied with the two jackets we have. We don’t need another jacket, but someone gives us one. Of course, we may choose to keep it. But if we are satisfied already, we may choose to give one of our jackets to someone who needs it, perhaps an old man begging in the streets. This kind of sacrifice—sharing, which stems from self-sufficiency—is good. It makes us feel better. This is where our cup is overflowing and we are in a place to enjoy it.
Detachment is always imposed either by ourselves or by an authoritarian figure. Being detached from something creates a void in the heart and mind where it used to stay. This void is like a vacuum that must be filled with something else that will come and occupy that space. Of course, we may choose to put ourselves in that void. We become filled by us. We do not need to, and we don’t look beyond us. We become our own constant companion. So detachment itself needs a companion because self-sufficiency is nothing but a suppression of wants.
So what is loneliness? Why do we feel lonely?
We feel lonely because we realize we alone (however great we may be at self-sufficiency, sacrifice, and independence) cannot make ourselves complete. We may have great qualities, but they fall short of making us feel complete. Hence, the want has surfaced beyond all the suppression, and the heart is looking for a companion again. We need to identify all those things which we lack and focus on balancing them out. This will move us closer to feeling complete; it will instil a sense of achievement in us. We will reduce the dependency on seeking it outside our boundaries. The loneliness shall reduce but not disappear. At least, not that quickly.
We are adequate in so many ways, but our work in the spiritual space needs to be balanced by something or someone in the physical space. Someone who will make us feel complete. Someone who can believe in our work and offer us balance. That is why we feel lonely. Bigger things are planned for us, but we must meet them after we achieve success in spirituality. Until then, we must learn to control our minds and look inside it for the answer. We don’t need to worry. Everything takes time. This life is a test of patience.

 

寂寞

有多寂寞都是人為的:我們所感覺的,比實際上要深刻得多。
寂寞是抽離的。為什麼我們知道自己能不假外求時,還想有人陪伴?
不假外求的感覺,源於慾望的抑制。人類天生慾望無窮。我們永遠不能放棄慾望,因為慾望的抑制本身亦是慾望。那麼我們為何不索性承認慾望存在,而非去抑壓它們不可?
承認和抑制有著差異。
承認是知道某樣東西存在,並接受它目前的狀態,也接納它可能未來會改變。我們還可應付相關的好或壞,因為已意識到這是整件事情的一部份。就像玫瑰再美也生有刺,我們知道美麗尖銳並存。它們顏色及用途或有不同,但他們共存,而我們接受了。
然而,抑壓是不同的。抑制是故意選擇忽略某樣東西。禁食的人會有飢餓感,但他選擇無視身體的呼救。他限制身體必需品—即食物的攝取。同樣,通過抑壓慾望,我們選擇忽略真正想要的。我們犧牲。我們輸了。我們不讓心靈得到滿足。我們拒絕滋養它。這太可怕了。
通過抑壓以達致不假外求的想法是錯誤、無益,並且適得其反。但是,若這份不假外求與共享、行善相連接;它就有正面含意。比方說,我們已滿足於擁有兩件外套,需要多一件外套。但有人送了一件給我們。 當然,我們可以選擇收下。但若我們無此需要,我們可以選擇將外套其中一件送給有需要的人,例如在街頭乞討的老人。這種源於不假外求的犧牲和分擔,是不錯的。這讓我們感覺更好。我們的杯子滿溢了,也有能力去享受它。
分離始終是由自己或權威人物強加於自己身上。與某樣東西分離,在心靈及腦海裡以前的位置留下了空虛。這空虛需要其他東西填補。當然,我們可以選擇把自己放這空虛裡面。我們就這樣如此填補了自己。我們並不需要,亦不用依靠他人。我們成為自己的終身伴侶。因此,分離本身需要伴侶,而所謂的不假外求,不過是慾望的抑壓。
那什麼是孤獨?我們為什麼覺得孤獨?
大家感到孤獨,因為明白孤身一人(不管如何不假外求、犧牲和獨立),總不能令自己完整。我們或具備上述可貴特質,但永不會感到完整。因此,慾望衝破了一切的抑制,而內心要再另找伴侶了。我們需要找出全部所缺乏的,著力平衡這些欠缺。這將會令我們感到更完整;及灌輸成就感。自身極限之外尋求成就感的依賴會減輕。寂寞會減退,但不會消失。至少,不那麼快。
我們在很多方面己滿足,但大家於心靈層面的工作,需要由現實中的某人或某物以平衡。一位令我們感到完整的人。一個相信我們所做的,並提供平衡的人。這正是我們為什麼覺得寂寞。更大的事情正為我們計劃中,但要先獲得心靈上的豐盛,才需我們去面對它們。在此之前,必須學會制約自己的思想,並從中尋找答案。我們不需擔心。一切都需要時間。這一世乃是耐性的考驗。

 

The Prism of Life (by Ansh Das, Signal 8 Press 2014)