As with all our insecurities, jealousy preys on our confidence, compassion, and contentment.
We have been brought up in a society where we are constantly compared with others. We are taught to accept competition as the sure success of survival in this over-challenged and over-populated world. We must be better than others in terms of looks, wealth, achievements, etc. But the basic principle of comparison is flawed.
We always need something to compare with something else. So the result is really relative. Those two things may already be great by their own right, but the second we compare them with each other, we feel one gains in value and the other loses. The point is that in the game of comparison, both parties are losers.
If we think we are better than the one we are comparing ourselves to, then we take false pride. It stems from the perception that we are in some way superior. However, having established that thought, we continue to work towards ensuring we maintain that perceived lead at all times. This makes us worry even more as we think we need to do better. What if the other person catches up?
If we think we are worse than the other person, then it makes us feel miserable. Either we try our best to upstage them or we simply give in to thinking we aren’t good enough. We will never be good enough.
So we have taken an absolute loving and peaceful situation and made it rather complicated and negative.
Insecurity, low confidence, lack of peace, and restlessness are self-defeating qualities. No person is good or bad but they lose their value when we compare them with others.

 

嫉妒

和我們的不安全感一樣,嫉妒利用我們的自信、愛心和自滿乘虛而入。
我們在一個需不斷他人比較的社會裡成長。我們被教導在這個太多挑戰及人口過多的社會中,接受競爭等同穩操生存之勝券。我們的容貌、財富、成就等方面必須比別人更好。但比較的基本原則帶有缺陷。
我們總是需要拿東西來比較。所以結果總是相對的。那兩樣東西可能各自已很好,但之相互比較的一刻,我們總覺得一方價值增加,而另一方則減低。關鍵是,在這場比較中,被比較的雙方均是輸家。
若我們認為自己比被比較對象優勝,就建立了一份假自豪。它源於我們認為在某些方面優於他人的看法。然而,確定這個想法後,我們將繼續努力維持這份自以為的優越感。當認為需要做得更好時,反而把自己弄成更擔心。如果其他人趕上來該怎辦?
若自認比其他人差,那會讓我們苦不堪言。無論盡了多大努力搶住目光,或乾脆承認自己不如人而放棄。我們將永遠都不如人。
就這樣,我們把充滿愛與和平情景,弄得相當複雜及消極。
不安全感、自信低、缺乏平安,和煩躁是弄巧成拙的特質。沒有人是好或壞,但當我們將其與別人比較,他們就失去了自我價值。

 

The Prism of Life (by Ansh Das, Signal 8 Press 2014)