When we really love someone we have to learn to trust them. A relationship without trust cannot last.
Trust is the courage with which we face our fears—of loneliness, of fidelity, and of the end.
Sometimes we get into relationships because we cannot face loneliness anymore. It feels good to have someone to take care of us, to assure us our insecurities are temporary, and be kind and loving towards us. But once we feel these lovely, comforting feelings, we begin to worry about losing it all. We begin to push them to conform to our expectations. We ask them to do one thing and stop them from doing another. We shout at them. We fight with them. We stop talking to them. In the end, the relationship becomes intolerable and the other person leaves. This makes us feel worse. We try to exact revenge. We try to hurt them even more to satisfy our false sense of pride.
But why has this happened? Didn’t we want things to be as they were in the beginning? What went wrong? Several things.
At first, we pretended to be someone we were not. We wanted the person to like us. We made them like us, only it wasn’t the real us. We never had the courage to trust our own charm. We didn’t believe our true self could impress them.
Then we tried to mold them into someone they were not. We didn’t even trust we would like them in their own natural being. We tried to push them to change their ways so we would feel comfortable with them. And when they wanted to move out, we didn’t trust ourselves to let them go. Our fears multiplied and we hurt.
We must learn to trust ourselves before we can learn to trust others.